There, in a carnival of lights,
Frenzied crowds spill from the bars
Spirit kindled in the light.
As friends dragged me through siren-whining streets,
Drunken scuffles broke into fights.
Where my eyes were lightly burned,
Filled with wonder, fuelled with flames of naked life.

 That’s where ragged footsteps met,
She stopped my mate for a cigarette;
Her face is a blur, the night was wet.
So I gallantly gave my arm, as a shelter,
I didn’t like to see her getting wet.
And the rest I can’t remember
(The rest I can’t forget…)

With no words, no agreement, no wasted time,
Her hand was shared with mine.
I reached to touch, she didn’t mind.
That knocked me out- it was just so pretty.
(I don’t know why, but it made me feel sad as hell)
As we made out, on a journey,
Wild and crazy, too terrific not to tell.

Slow burning nights, it spoke a promise to our hearts.
We shot like arrows, to test a dream,
We ended up dancing all around.
People, set in cast, stood still like statues as we flew passed
And we both cried “no, oh no no no,
We’re the last!”

Well we tore through those nights like falling stars,
Drained the fever in our veins,
Put our senses in the past.
Well we were stranded somewhere in town, all our money spent,
We even had to choose our last fag.
We had no choice; “where there is a need, there’s a must”,
She said “we’ll have to jump a cab”

Now this cabbie in Little Venice
Tried to charge us thirty pounds.
We jumped in the back and moved like clowns:
We touched and horsed and fooled around.
We knew the score, we’d done it all before, we said “drop us here”
And laid off with a slam.
And when we heard him at our heels, we flew like lightening
Seeing visions as we ran.

I was falling and collapsing- all this says.
We shared the dream with no illusions about its end.
I shambled after, close behind,
As she went racing on ahead, through the night’s confusion.
We sensed a secret pearl and we followed on where it lead.

We eventually made it back
To that pokey room she called her home.
We wrote our words on the wall, in the soft lamp-light we found our song
I saw a sadness in her eyes
Like little girl blues- she sat and listened to Nina Simone.
And when we launched into one another,
We just couldn’t leave ourselves in a world like this alone.

Tired angels with an aching in their hearts.
They made their love ‘til truly safe, as they fell apart
In the crack-ceilinged room.
And they flailed to last with the world dying outside their door
And their hearts sighed “no, oh no no
“We’re the last!”

One of my most fundamental fears, perhaps even THE most fundamental fear I have, is the fear of being alone.

I HATE BEING ALONE.

My relationship is gone.
My roommate is somewhere on the Florida Golf Coast.
My friends are scattered around the globe.

I need someone close to me. Someone accesible to talk to.

World weariness now.

Now, yesterday was a really bad day. I did not leave my apartment. I stayed in bed, trying to recover from my Lichterfelde-West experience. Very painful. Did not get any work done. Not even household stuff.

She contacted me via AIM. We talked for ~1 h. It was okay. Much less painful than I thought. I am actually happy to know (a) that she is all right and (b) that she is suffering as well...

Today looks better. It is not raining. I have already started doing some work. I am a bit more optimistic, more positive.